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Why…

WHY DOES THE WOMAN STAY IN VIOLENCE OR RETURNS TO THE ABUSER

1. The fear of abuser (threats, even death threats, are part of verbal and physical abuse by all of the abusers; we should also mention threats against her close family members)

2. Hope that the abuser will change (after violent incidents the abusers mostly beg for forgiveness and promise to change – the “honeymoon” phase)

3. Financial reasons (unemployment, absolute financial dependence on the abuser, lack of education for an employment)

4. Because of the children (women are afraid that they won’t get the children after the divorce or that it is a shame to be a child of divorced parents)

5. The fear of social disapproval (a good image of the family and the abuser, the women are ashamed to admit having a bad marriage, they experience it as a personal shame; they hide the violence to keep the image of a happy marriage before the world)

6. Not knowing their own rights (many women stay married because their abusers tell them they have no rights not only to the children but also to the valuables acquired in marriage, support; that ignorance causes strong fear of change)

7. The feeling of shame because of an unsuccessful marriage (similar reasons as under number 5; many women are taught that marriage is the only thing in their lives that makes sense, so they think that they have to tolerate everything that happens to them)

8. The absence of support from the closest ones (our closest ones, family, friends mostly disapprove the divorce of a mother, in most cases they don’t even support their daughters in divorce matters, but instead of that remind them that they chose that path alone and that they also had to tolerate their marriage, because it’s female destiny)

9. Inefficiency of the institutions

10. Religious beliefs and tradition (religions which disapprove divorce still exist) Besides, it’s considered traditionally allowed to use force in order to control the wife)

11. “Habituation” to the violence since early age (if she grew up next to an abusive father and was molested as a child, the woman accepts the violence as normal part of life)

12. Emotional relationship with the abuser (love, passionate relationships)

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